“and as the long long nights begin
i think of all that might have been
waiting here for evermore.”

words of radiance

I finished re-reading words of radiance weeks ago. I don’t remember liking it more than the first book, and even after re-reading both, I still found myself liking TWoK better, though ratings seem to indicate otherwise.

Maybe because the main focus was Shallan and despite her seeming to be really interesting, I just can’t quite relate to her - I often found myself wanting to fast-forward through her chapters. 

And there’s that hint of a love triangle, which I really am not a fan of. One thing I like about Shallan though is that she genuinely seems to like Adolin, and even sort-of defended him to Kaladin one time.

More and more, I am loving Adolin.

There are not a lot of quotable quotes in this book...not as much as the first. But here are some snippets....

“I’m serious, Kaladin! I don’t know. I don’t remember.” She[Syl] grabbed her hair, one clump of white translucence in each hand, and pulled sideways.

He frowned, then pointed. “That . . .”

“I saw a woman do it in the market,” Syl said, yanking her hair to the sides again. “It means I’m frustrated. I think it’s supposed to hurt. So . . . ow? Anyway, it’s not that I don’t want to tell you what I know. I do! I just . . . I don’t know what I know.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“Well, imagine how frustrating it feels!”

Sometimes, I wish Syl was a real person so I can root for a Kaladin and Syl pairing. They just have the most hilarious interactions sometimes.

“Expectation wasn’t just about what people expected of you. It was about what you expected of yourself.”

-Shallan

“It shouldn’t matter.”

“Maybe it shouldn’t, but it does. You want to change that? Well, you’re not going to do it by screaming like a lunatic and challenging men like Amaram to duels. You’ll do it by distinguishing yourself in the position I gave you. Be the kind of man that others admire, whether they be lighteyed or dark.”

-Kaladin and Dalinar

One of those times when Kaladin was extra brooding and Dalinar was, as always, brilliant. 

“I say that there is no role for women—there is, instead, a role for each woman, and she must make it for herself. For some, it will be the role of scholar; for others, it will be the role of wife. For others, it will be both. For yet others, it will be neither.”

-Jasnah

Kaladin frowned. “Wait. Are you wearing cologne? In prison?”

“Well, there was no need to be barbaric, just because I was incarcerated.”

“Storms, you’re spoiled,” Kaladin said, smiling.

“I’m refined, you insolent farmer,” Adolin said. Then he grinned. “Besides, I’ll have you know that I had to use cold water for my baths while here.”

“Poor boy.”

“I know.” Adolin hesitated, then held out a hand.

This may be my favorite scene in the whole book. I so wanted Adolin and Kaladin to get along, and finally this. I think this is the first light(ish) conversation they have ever had. And while, they may not be BFFs, they have genuine respect for each other.

“I will protect even those I hate,” Kaladin whispered through bloody lips. “So long as it is right.”

-Kaladin speaking the third Ideal of the Windrunners

The Knights Radiant,” Kaladin said softly, “have returned.”

Boom. *mic drop*

“When you take the princedom, son,” Dalinar said, “don’t let them corrupt you. Don’t play their games. Lead. Don’t follow.”

“Father!” Adolin said, his eyes focusing.

Dalinar stood up. Adolin lurched over onto all fours and tried to get to his feet, but the assassin had broken one of Adolin’s greaves, which made it almost impossible to rise. The boy slipped back into the pooling water.

“You’ve been taught well, Adolin,” Dalinar said, eyes on that assassin. “You’re a better man than I am. I was always a tyrant who had to learn to be something else. But you, you’ve been a good man from the start. Lead them, Adolin. Unite them.”

I have always thought (or at least hoped) that Adolin was more than the playboy prince that most people think he was.

This was when Dalinar thought he was saying goodbye, and he had enough faith in Adolin to confidently think he was ready to lead in his place.

“I will unite instead of divide. I will bring men together.”

-Dalinar speaking the second Ideal of the Bondsmiths

***

I have been reading the weekly 3-chapter of the next book, Oathbringer, which is coming out next month. And now I am amending my previous statement:

I dream of a world where Dalinar is our leader, Kadalin, our protector, and Adolin, our prince and my husband. 😍😜

November 14th can’t come fast nor soon enough.

way of kings

this book. best book i have read by far, and i have read it three times. maybe a bit too idealistic, but i dream of a world where Dalinar Kholin is our leader and Kaladin, our protector.

here are a few quotes from The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson.....

"Life before death. Strength before weakness. Journey before destination."

-the first ideal of the Knights Radiant

 "Sometimes the prize is not worth the costs. The means by which we achieve victory are as important as the victory itself."

-Dalinar

"A man's emotion are what defines him. Control is the hallmark of true strength. To lack feeling is to be dead, but to act on every feeling is to be a child."

-Dalinar

"Bitterness is repaid more often than kindness."

-Kaladin

"...he’s not the first man I’ve known who will face battle without fear, yet cower in terror about knives in the shadows. The hallmark of insecurity is bravado."

-Dalinar

"Life before death. The Radiant seeks to defend life, always. He never kills unnecessarily, and never risks his own life for frivolous reasons. Living is harder than dying. The Radiant’s duty is to live.

Strength before weakness. All men are weak at some time in their lives. The Radiant protects those who are weak, and uses his strength for others. Strength does not make one capable of rule; it makes one capable of service.

Journey before destination. There are always several ways to achieve a goal. Failure is preferable to winning through unjust means. Protecting ten innocents is not worth killing one. In the end, all men die. How you lived will be far more important to the Almighty than what you accomplished."

-Teft explaining the ideals to Kaladin

"Somebody has to start, son. Somebody has to step forward and do what is right, because it is right. If nobody starts, then others cannot follow."

-Lirin to Kaladin

"I will protect those who cannot protect themselves."

-Kaladin (the second Ideal of the Windrunners)

And a few from my favorite chapter, Chapter 69: Justice. I could read this book over and over just to finally get to this moment. It is actually not the final chapter, but it is the beginning of Dalinar's journey to fulfilling his purpose.

"“What is a man’s life worth?” Dalinar asked softly.

“The slavemasters say one is worth about two emerald broams,” Kaladin said, frowning.

“And what do you say?”

“A life is priceless,” he said immediately, quoting his father.

Dalinar smiled, wrinkle lines extending from the corners of his eyes. “Coincidentally, that is the exact value of a Shardblade. So today, you and your men sacrificed to buy me twenty-six hundred priceless lives. And all I had to repay you with was a single priceless sword. I call that a bargain.”"

-Dalinar and Kaladin

(That moment when Dalinar proves to Kaladin that not everyone in power are corrupt, like Kaladin has experienced all his life.)

"We’re going to win this war, and we’re going to turn Alethkar into a place that men will envy again. Not because of our military prowess, but because people here are safe and because justice reigns."

-Dalinar

(Something our current world leaders should learn from, don't you think?)

"Most everything was still wrong. He was still furious at Sadeas, pained by the loss of so many of his men, confused at what to do with Navani, dumbfounded by his visions, and daunted by the idea of bringing the warcamps to unity.

But at least now he had something to work with."

-Dalinar

(His final thoughts in this chapter. If he was a listener/parshendi, he'd be thinking this to Resolve.)

magpakailanman

noon ika'y isang pangarap lamang,

di inakalang ako ay nararapat para sa iyo.

di ka maihahambing sa kahit anong bagay dito sa mundo.

ikaw lamang ang ninanais kong makasama magpakailanman.

#buwanngwika #panigA 😂😂😂

the phoenix lament

And he knew, without knowing how he knew it, that the phoenix had gone, had left Hogwarts for good, just as Dumbledore had left the school, had left the world... had left Harry.
-from The Phoenix Lament, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

12 years after I have first read it and re-reading this chapter still makes me cry buckets.

I could hold on for a hundred years
When all else is gone
I would still be here
In a memory of things yet unseen
I'd remember all that we've never been
And I cannot wait to see
What life has in store for me

In another lifetime
It would be forever
In another world
Where you and I
Could be together
In another set of chances
I'd take the ones I've missed
And make you mine
If only for a time
My life would matter
In another life

And I'd stay as strong and I'd stay as true
And you'd have forever now to think it through
Coz I do believe what wasn't meant to be
Wasn't meant for now and
Someday you'll see
In a place and time we never knew
I'll be standing there waiting for you

You would be mine
But until that time is now
I'd be holding on somehow

But until that time
I'll be holding onto forever
Until another life


- In another lifetime by Gary Valenciano

side a, i wish that you were here.

Wish That You Were Here

by Side A

It took a while for me to write this. I kept putting it off, finding excuse after excuse not to write. It wasn't because I didn't like the song, I did...even from the start, I did. But the truth is, I just wasn't in love with it. Yet.

So I listened to the song over and over... watched the music video more times than I would care to admit. Pretty soon I started to notice random little things like..... Ned wears his wedding ring on his pinkie while Leevon on his ring finger and that I had the same color chucks years ago as Naldy's. And more personal stuff like...... Yubs was starting to grow on me, and that it really is unfair how Ernie still seems to look as young as he did 20 years ago sans the mustache.

And then a funny thing happened, I started to miss random little things like...... halo-halo and pansit and fish balls and ramen and milk tea and....well ok, not so random, they're all food. :P  And then my mind started to wander down memory lane and I started to miss more personal stuff like.... late nights with SideA, and high school and first love, and college and the bestest friends, and home and family.

And so I realized, this song isn't just about missing someone who is far away; it's about missing anyone or anything far or near.... it's about doing the things that you can while you can.... it's about growing old and cherishing beautiful memories.... it's about missed opportunities and taking things for granted and second chances.... and yes, it's about love and holding on.

It's pretty amazing actually... a story within a story. And quite a testament to Ned's creative genius that he wrote this song one ordinary day when he was at home missing his family while they were at work/in school. 

How a band can turn the mundane into something beautiful and thoughtful and sweet takes more than mere talent. It takes a brilliant mind to come up with the words, a caring heart to make the words sound sincere, and passion, great great passion, to put them all, words and music, together into one beautiful heart-warming tear-jerking song.

No, it wasn't love in an instant for me. But as with great love stories, not all start with love at first sight, some take a closer look and develop over time. And yes, like a great love story, this song is a treasure I will keep in my heart.

i swear these blues games are going to give me heart attack someday. nerve wracking until the very last microsecond!

meanwhile, a couple of blocks down clark street, yadi and jedd managed to sneak in a pickoff to one distracted red. that was the sneakiest awesomest pickoff play ever.

go cards! let's go blues!  TeamSTL with 2 wins tonight!

wishthatyouwerehere - another writing excuse

wish that you were here. when i first attempted to write about this song, i was on vacation back home. it was hard for me to fully immerse myself in a song full of longing and missing someone when i was surrounded by loving family and friends ;). fast forward a couple of weeks and i'm back to my natural habitat -- alone and homesick. 

and yet, i still could not seem to find the right words.

so i thought of an experiment....every time i think of someone or something i miss, i will write down words...yes, words. should be simple, yeah? right.   

(see previous posts for those attempts)

i could manage a few words but it would always sound so cheesy......even when all i was writing about was that it was hot and i wish i had halo-halo. haha!

so how can someone write such sweet and thoughtful words and make them sound so sincere? and put them all together in a beautiful song? talent...loads and loads of talent.

makes me wonder too how he came up with said song when he's not really in that place in his life...maybe it was a past experience or from a friend who's in a long distance relationship...or it can also be something as mundane as, yes, wishing he had halo-halo one hot muggy day. whatever or however it came into being, the song is definitely wonderful and special...as special and wonderful as the man who wrote it. :)

and i wish i could come up with words more worthy of the song instead of another writing excuse.

sorry.

you cool me down
in times of burning heat
but now that you're far away
i'm trapped in this world of raging fire
wish that you were here.

woke up disoriented
i look for you
then i remember
you are thousands of miles away
wish that you were here.

3am, i'm wide awake
thinking of you
wish that you were here.

i see you

across the street 

waiting 

waiting for something 

waiting for someone else

wish that you were here.

"If you were here right now
I would hold you tight
And I'd wish this night would last forevermore.

...

It doesn't matter near or far
I just wanna be right there where you are"


if i were not on vacation in the Philippines right now, surrounded by family and friends, i would be bawling like a child. so much longing and missing.  
it does remind me of one person though... i won't say who but his initials are jb. mwahaha! 

i want to write more about this song, but right now i'm just too happy....i think i need to be sad and homesick or heartbroken for this. hahaha

old and new

i was reading through my old posts and found my "baul" post of Ned way back 2008.

thinking back to those days, i remember how hard it was for me to come see them again after joeyb left. i was heartbroken, and i didn't want a blatant reminder of his absence. where i used to see his ever present smile, i would see a stranger. where i used to hear his ever so soft and calming voice, i would  hear an unfamiliar voice.

and to top it all off, this new guy wrote their comeback song as well! the nerve!

but i loved SideA then, as much as i still do now, and for certain, as much as i will tomorrow. so i gave this new guy a chance, listened to the new song, and the old 2008 post below was the result.

and now, that once new guy has become my new favorite person in the band. funny how that turned out, huh?

so as i was watching their show last friday (3/31), i was slowly coming to the realization that i'm warming up to the new new guy...that i didn't mind so much that the songs i have loved over the years, especially the ever sacred Forevermore sound a tad different.

who knows... maybe 9 years from now, i will write something like this about Yubs? :)

***

SATURDAY, APRIL 26, 2008

die just a little

"i need to die just a little, and cry some more. try to remember how it was before. let me die just a little. i'll be fine.. as soon as i can get you off my mind."

as i listen to these words from SideA's new song "Die Just A Little' composed by the new guy Ned Esguerra, i can't help but think how ironic it is that a song composed by Joey Benin's replacement would inadvertently remind me of joeyb himself.

i was talking to an old friend of mine recently.. and she said that she was surprised a lot of people still know of and like SideA even though they are not so famous now as they were before. and then we reminisced about the times we were still in college, and how we'd follow them around.. in deja vu, news bar cafe, kampo, strumms, etc.. we even had a campus tour with them (we really did go see them at several schools.. haha!). i've often wondered how we could have afforded those gigs with our meager allowances. hmm.. maybe that's why we were so skinny back then. food or sidea? who wouldn't choose the latter, right? hehe.

this week, i met two people who are at the height of their SideA addiction. as i chatted with them (emails, ym, multiply), i was once again reminded of how obsessed i was (and still am i guess) with this group. talking about SideA with no holds barred and especially to people who shares the same obsession just takes me to a natural high. it's like i can say anything i want to say about SideA.. and they won't think i'm crazy.. at least i thought they didn't. hehehe. and it's really nice to hear (or see) them talking about SideA with that same amount of passion. 

it ain't much of a mystery really.. SideA IS great music, brilliant artists, and good people... always been, always will. so long as they keep that, there will always be people as obsessed as my friends and i were back then.. as addicted as tintin and aileen are now.. and as passionate as future versions of us will be.

joeyb, kelly, ernie, joeyg, naldy, leevon, and yes, maybe someday ned too (and the ever helpful dennis, of course) -- never have i loved a group of guys this unconditionally before, and i don't think i ever will again. but now, i think it's time for me to step aside and let others do the obsessing from here on. 

and so i'll die just a little, and i'll cry some more.. remembering how it was before. but even though, they will no longer be as constant on my mind as they were back then.. they will forever and always be in my heart.

Tauriel: If this is love, I do not want it. Take it away, please! Why does it hurt so much? 
Thranduil: Because it was real. 

pangarap

"Sa pangarap lang makakamtam ang inaasam
Sa pangarap lang malalasap ang saya nitong aking buhay
Sa pangarap lang maghihintay
Sa pangarap aking mahal
Doon ako'y maghihintay
Aking mahal..."