if I only could

if I could choose

yours is not the mind I'd want to think of me;

it seems to ignore me more often than not. 

if I could choose 

yours are not the hands I'd wish to hold;

they seem to let mine go so easily. 

if I could choose

yours are not the eyes I'd stare longingly into;

they don't seem to see me.

if I could choose

yours are not the arms I'd have around me;

their embrace seem to loosen over time.

if I could choose

yours are not the lips I'd lovingly kiss;

they seem to want me less and less.

if I could choose

yours is not the heart I'd dream of keeping;

it doesn't have room for even the tiniest of me.

I would choose

a mind that cares and remembers, 

hands that hold on tight as long as they could,

eyes that see and appreciate me,

arms that reassure in their embrace,

lips so warm they melt my soul,

and a heart so big it'd welcome me a million times over.

"been looking for words for feelings that shouldn't get spoken....

I'm starting to learn some silences shouldn't be broken, just listened to."

-The Forever Now. This Is Us.

"Sometimes it's too easy to forget the things you should remember -- and far too easy to remember the things you really should forget."

-Brandon Sanderson. Cytonic.

"i know you didn't bring me out here to drown

so why am i ten feet under and upside down?"

-lifehouse. storm.

I just heard this song again after a long while and it reminded me how I used to obsess about jason wade. 😅

there's just something so deeply poignant about this song too. plus it's mostly a capella, which probably adds to the melancholy of it all. and Jason's voice... aaaahh 😍😍 makes me want to obsess all over again. almost. maybe? 😁

bit by bit you are breaking 

these walls i have been building. 

yet when they are finally down

you are nowhere to be found.

just when i thought i've lost all faith in men (and sometimes in humanity), i talk to you and everything is right in the world again.

"You followed your conscience in the hope that others would follow theirs. You didn't do it for a reward or a pat on the head. The universe never tells us if we did right or wrong. It's more important to try and help people than to know that you did. More important that someone else's life gets better than for you to feel good about yourself. You never know the effect you might have on someone, not really. Maybe one core thing you said haunts them forever. Maybe one moment of kindness gives them comfort or courage. Maybe you said the one thing they needed to hear. It doesn't matter if you ever know. You just have to try."

-Naomi Nagata. The Expanse.