hbd,jb!

Aug1996: "Marchae, kumusta ka na ulit? I'm sure everything is OK. OK! Study well & God Bless. Go touch the moon--> !"

Mar1997: birthday greetings recorded on a casette tape...priceless.

Mar2003: "92 pala kayo...ako 82..isang number lang pinag-iba..classmates!"

Jul2003: tavern, 3rd set. "this is for lola <some name i can't remember> happy 70th birthday! ay nakaalis na ata. ah alam ko na...this is for marchae!"  no reason. basta for me lang. :)

Mar2005: "alam mo yun lyrics ng somebody? may nag-request, tagal ko ng di kinakanta, di ko na maalala" and he proceeded to recite the song lyrics and and stopped when he couldn't recall what came next. i said what i thought was next. he said, "un din akala ko pero parang hindi" gaaaaah, i can't quite think straight when your face is 2 inches from mine while you're reciting a love song, can i?

Mar2006: "my marchae"

Oct2006: "pls text mo lang ako.. pag manonood kayo...para naman ma guestlist ko kayo."

Jan2007: "ayan si marchae naman...wala pa syang picture...wala pa syang picture for 2007"

Feb2007: while he was inside the band room, he saw me and my friends leaving from afar. after 2 min, i got a text.."Thx marchae :)"

Feb2007: "for little marchae...sabi ng mommy mo favorite mo daw to." this after i told him a few months back that nica liked the song.

Mar2007: "my wife daw" pointing to me as he confusingly dedicated the song to me and his wife. "somebody" will forever remind me of him.

Apr2007: as he was pulling out of the parking lot, he saw me, stopped the car in the middle of the road and waved at me before driving off.

May2007: "sarap" said he after hugging me tight. me in tears after. saying goodbye never gets easier.

the besos...the hugs...the countless unnecessary "thank you"s... the perennial smile... the incomparable unwavering kindness... memories...so many memories. *sigh* can you blame me for loving this guy?

to my original bae...the man of my deams...happy birthday! i miss you! :D

rj

"Happy is the person who learns to wait as he prays and never loses his patience, for God's time is the perfect time."

it's hard not to root for someone when you find that he's worked hard all these years. despite the failures and rejections, he persevered and never lost hope. despite seemingly insurmountable obstacles and devastating losses, he's never ceased to see the good in people and in situations.

and when all these blessings come pouring in, instead of saying, "finally! this is a long time coming...i deserve all this"... he says "thank You! i am forever grateful.". instead of being smug and complacent, he presses on, continuing to work even harder.

he doesn't forget the people who has helped him along the way. he doesn't begrudge success that come quickly to others. he is kind, humble, and generous. 

and you see him fall in love...deeply. and you see him giving it his all...keeping nothing to himself. and you see how he looks at her. and you see how his face brightens up when she walks into a room. and you see all his efforts to make her happy.

you root for him because you simply can't help it. you root for him because you believe he is worthy. you root for him because he deserves to be happy...and so much more.

and you hope and pray that his heart, as big as it is, doesn't get broken.

"i may have run out of songs to sing
i may have run out of words to say
but all that i want you to know is what i feel for you:
i love you
as endless as forever
our love will stay together
you're all i need to be with forevermore"

i wonder who else has noticed that they're playing the other version of the song in the opening credits... come to think of it, i wonder how many people even know there is a different version of the song.

two things i realized in all this... one, i'm a hopeless romantic... two, i am, first and foremost, a SideA fan. :)

#forevermorepamore

thank You

thank You for another day.

thank You for all the blessings - for food, for shelter, for work, for family and friends, and most especially for Nica.

thank You for keeping us healthy and safe.

thank You for pleasures, simple and grand.

thank You for laughter, kindness, and love.

thank You for songs that inspire. 

thank You for people - strangers and friends - who brighten my day.

thank You for everything else i have forgotten to be thankful for.

and if i don't say it often enough, i thank You again for everything (big or small) that i had, have, and will have.

.

.

.

pahabol...thank You din po for SideA...and for Alden and Maine. loveYou! :)

that kind of day

when all around me all my friends have happy lovelives, i find myself wrapped up in my own little world of alden&maine kiligness... and then i realize i don't mind as much anymore.

"maybe now i'm ready to be found." - this line keeps hitting me hard every time i hear it.

sometimes i feel it's too late for me now, that maybe i've given enough love and have taken enough of it for one lifetime. that maybe what i've had was all i ever deserved. and i think i have accepted this for the most part.

yet at other times, i give in to wishful thinking and hope that maybe, just maybe there's still someone else out there. the one. the one i'm meant to love and who will love me back...unsparingly...equally...for the rest of our lives. someone who will look at me like he can't believe i'm right in front of him, unblinking, unwilling to miss a single moment. those times, i dare to think that maybe i deserve more. and those times i can't afford to let happen too often.

and then there are times i just go through the motions. unfeeling. uncaring. when i look back on those times, i want to slap myself for being an ungrateful little brat.

i love my life. i really do. i have received more blessings than i ever hoped for and am more fortunate than a lot of people out there. so i'm not complaining. really. i'm just feeling sentimental at the moment. i blame it on the flurries i see outside my window. ;p

i've travelled many roads, figuratively and literally, but i am so far from done. our lives are meant to be lived. and yes, there is still so much...so much more to live for.

all about that bass

i have been trying to think of the best introduction for this blog post the past few days. 

i wanted it to say how much i appreciate having this chance... how grateful i am to just even be given time out of his busy schedule. 
i wanted it to say how very accommodating he was (and always is)... how brilliant a conversationalist, always generous with his answers... how he really is just a super nice guy. in fact, he was so much fun and so easy to talk to, i had to remind myself a few times that i was talking to a celebrity (though he insists he is not one).

but then i realized it doesn't really matter what i wanted to say because this post is not at all about me.

sooooo... without further ado, it is with great honor and utmost pleasure that I bring you... *insert drum roll here*.... Mr. Ned Esguerra, bassist extraordinaire of Side A!

(99.99% unedited answers - kinda hard to edit when they're quite impressive as they are)

Me: Where were you when SideA started in 1985?
Ned: Hmmm, I was 11 and not even close to getting started in music. I got hooked in junior high, played keyboards in bands for 2 years then shifted to bass just before heading off to college in U. P. I discovered Side A while listening to the radio and Eva Marie was playing. But prior to that, I was a huge Neocolours fan.

Me: What other musical instruments do you play? And what made you finally decide on the bass?
Ned: I play a little bit of guitar but my main instrument is really the keyboards. I feel like I'm a better keyboard player than bassist. Just before graduating high school, our bassist was becoming too busy to play with us for school events and other gigs so I ended up filling in for him.
My father was a bassist as well, playing and touring the world professionally in a band in the 60's so I had easy access to a bass guitar all the time. I enjoyed playing bass more than the keyboards because I get to stand and move around. Plus it was a lighter load to bring to work compared to heavy and long keyboards.

Me: Ang galing naman! Medyo nakaka-overwhelm and medyo na-intimidate ako sa sagot mo hehehe. Anong band ni father?
Ned: My dad played bass for a group called "The Six Halves". Some trivia for you - my dad always told me the story of how their band was the very first to have a musical show on television during the early years of abs cbn. Too bad there aren't any archived footages of the show.

Me: Do you still remember your UP student number? What was your major in UP?

Ned: Sadly I don't remember my student # but 92 ang umpisa. 

I studied Music majoring in Composition for 3 years then I stopped to become a working musician.

Technically dapat 91 ako but I needed 1 year in the extension program before taking the Music entrance exam so I ended up officially being in school 92 na.

I never really got into my course seriously. Partly because I was really disappointed that the year I got in was the year Ryan Cayabyab decided he wanted to leave already. Bwiset! He was the very reason I was in "UP or bust" mode. All I wanted was to learn songwriting from the very best. Too bad for me, he left. So I lost focus and motivation and ended up just floating around campus, goofing off and eventually fading out of the picture.

Me: Awww sorry to hear that. But you ended up making great music anyway. So ok pa din. I get it though, I would have been disappointed myself. My UP days were some of the best in my life....dahil dun ko nakilala ang SideA. char...pero medyo totoo...hehe.

Ned: Hahaha! Actually, Side A din ang highlight of my college years. That was when I seriously stalked them sa gigs and concerts and had the best time just enjoying their music.

Me: So after UP, did you join a band? Or were you already in a band?

Ned: I was already in a band when I left UP. Thankfully we were doing gigs and earning already so my parents didn't raise a howl when I stopped school. Whew!

Me: What type of music did your band play?

Ned: Our band back then was called Freeverse. We were formed in 95 and as luck would have it, we fronted for Side A in Ateneo during the Forevermore Campus tour and that's where we got "discovered" by Lito Fugoso who was Side A's manager that time. He signed us and we ended up being under the same management for a few years.

Super Side A wannabe kami noon so yung songs namin were pretty much the same as theirs. Mga idol namin sila as in.

Ned with his former band, Freeverse

Me: Awww tapos ngayon part ka na ng SideA...destiny. :)

Ned: Yeah. Astig nga eh. It had always been my dream to be in a band just like Side A. I didn't actually think I'd be part of it now. How wonderful is that?!?! Unreal!!!

Me: Do you still find it that way sometimes even now? That everything seems unreal?

Ned: Always. Of course certain aspects have changed my perceptions... but on the whole it's been pretty amazing.

Me: What was your favorite SideA song before joining SideA?

Ned: All time favorite ko syempre Forevermore. One of those "darn, I wish I had written that" kind of songs but basically I loved all their songs from the 1st album up until the Year 12 cd. Pero favorites ko talaga yung songs in the 1st,White and Blue albums.

Me: How did you end up joining SideA?

Ned: You know what, until now I'm actually still miffed at how exactly I ended up where I am now. But the simplified version of the story would be that Joey Benin had made his intentions of leaving the band known already and then the remaining members discussed what they wanted to do. There was actually a time when they were contemplating stopping altogether. Luckily and thankfully they decided to go on and I ended up as the candidate to replace Joey B. My being in a sort of "brother band" had a lot to do with that decision for sure. And so here I am, luckier than anyone else I know. Hahaha!

Me: Speaking of JoeyB...did he ever join you guys again in a gig after he left? I remember there was a TV special where he played with you again, but other than that?

Ned: He would just jam a song. But very rarely. Yeah, that was for TV5's New Year Special and someone from the network asked if he could join us on Forevermore. There was also a concert in Bacolod where he sang I Believe In Dreams and then one time, sa bar ni Willie Revillame, he and Kelly jammed on Tuloy Pa Rin. Syempre enjoy kami ni Leevon while watching the Fab 5 one more time.

Me: Awww that would have been awesome to watch.

Ned: Oh indeed it was! Hehe

Ned and Joey Benin - (c) Ned

Me: What inspires you to write a song? And which usually comes first? Yun lyrics or yun music?

Ned: People inspire me and the different situations and circumstances they find themselves in. Mostly love stories, happy and sad. Usually when I write, sabay yung lyrics and music.

I used to write a ton of sad love songs and most of the time people think it's me and how I feel that I write about but it's not. A lot of the earlier songs I wrote were about friends of mine or just me trying to create situations in my mind that I can write about.

Oh and also, I get inspired a lot by song titles or lyrics, phrases or sentences that to me stand out when I read them or hear them. I'm a sucker for words that are put together really well. Not talking about grand works of literature here, but even just everyday lingo. Minsan may magandang mga salita na somehow tumatatak saken and then inspired nako to expand on the idea to make a song.

... certain words that I encounter really stand out and stick with me. From Sesame Street to today's TV, Movies and whatever, basta may kakaiba na salita inaalam ko tapos pag nakatuwaan ko, gusto ko nagagamit.

I love watching TV, reading interesting articles or news stories, etc. But I am in no way a bookworm. Mahilig din ako sa trivia lalo na about sports and you'd be surprised that there are actually some very outstanding sportswriters na masarap basahin.

Me: Do you find it harder to write tagalog songs or do you just prefer (or maybe are more comfortable with) English songs?

Ned: Definitely harder for me to write tagalog songs because I don't have a good grasp of truly the meaningful and profound words. 

Songs by Ryan Cayabyab, Rey Valera, George Canseco, Soc Villanueva and other composers with similar tastes for beautiful tagalog words are people I most want to emulate when I write tagalog songs :)

I'm a bit more comfortable writing english songs probably because I feel more confident in my english vocabulary :)

Me: Given your family's musical background, I think it was inevitable you'd end up in the music business. But what would you have been if you hadn't been in music? Like, did you have another dream job growing up?

Ned: Either a lawyer or a journalist for the simple reason that I always thought I could express myself well and with confidence that I have somewhat of a decent command of good grammar and correct syntax. Hahaha! Siguro naman napansin mo na na mahilig ako dumaldal. Hehehe

Me: What is the one thing that you really want to do that you haven't been able to do yet? Tipong pang bucket list ganun.
Ned: I want to be in a steel cage underwater watching a great white shark.

Me: Favorite city ever visited and why?  

Ned: I've been to a few but not nearly enough. hehehe but so far... toss up between Singapore and NY/NJ, for sentimental reasons kasi I have tons of wonderful memories with my family in those cities :)

Me: Place you would really love to see someday?

Ned: Europe :)

Me: Last song played on your phone?

Ned: "Tunay Na Ligaya" by Basil Valdez

Me: Last movie you watched?

Ned: "Ricki And The Flash" starring Merryl Streep

Me: Favorite aldub song? 

Ned: Forevermore

Me: aside from Forevermore

Ned: Dessert :)

Me: Favorite color? (hahaha pang slumbook)

Ned: black or blue

Me: Can you take a selfie doing the pabebe wave?

Ned: hahaha! yan ang hindi ko kayang gawin sorry

Me: hahahahahaha oh well worth a try

Ned: hahaha pag ginawa ni Leevon, saka ko lang gagawin. hehe :)

Me: hahaha nandamay pa... sabay na lang kayo ;)

who knows maybe someday... but until then, i leave you with this photo (credit to owner of original photo grabbed from Ned's timeline photos).  oh those hands...those hands are calling for mad photo-editing skills i don't have. ;)

Ned and Leevon

100 days

"there is never a time or place for true love. it happens accidentally... it happens in a heartbeat... it happens in a single flashing throbbing moment."

awwww nicely done.

alden

"ang sarap talaga kapag kapaskuhan, damang dama mo ang pagmamahalan... ito ang ating pinakahihintay na panahon. gawin nating pasko ang buong taon."

umm... excuse me while i pick up the pieces of my broken dignity from the floor.

i can watch him sing, dance, smile, make faces, jump all over the place, all day and night... heck, i can watch him just stand there doing nothing... and i'd still have this silly grin on my face. all that energy though...quite contagious. good vibes any time of the day.

undeniably good looking, smart, charming, fun, a really hard worker, and a genuinely nice person (based on what i've seen and read, though i wish i knew from personal experience haha)... God seemed to have been thinking of the "perfect guy" when he created this one. however, just to prove He is still fair, He held Himself back on one quality... imagine if alden had leevon's voice?! i can't. i cannot. i die. *faints*

update 11/9/2015: in a moment of weakness i blame completely on alden's dimple, i briefly forgot that there is indeed a person perfect in every way... one God withheld nothing from... his initials, jb.  :)<3

happy Sunday! :)

While watching one of the World Series games last week, I heard this song in a commercial. Can't remember which one now. Anyway, it's a bit similar to One Republic's I lived, which I absolutely love. Thought it was appropriate for today, or any day for that matter.

Day to Feel Alive

Jake Reese

I've been a poor man and I've been a king 

I've had my life and the world on a string 

I've traveled many roads but I'm so far from done 

I have been hopeless and I've had my faith 

Some things I've lost and some things I have saved 

All of these moments showed me the way that I've gone 

Good to know, there's so much to live for 

O-hhhhhh ohhh oh-ohhh what a day to feel alive 

O-hhhhhh ohhh oh-ohhh what a day to feel alive 

I've made some wrong turns 

I've made some mistakes 

I've broke some promises back in the day 

But I've got a feeling I'm ready to leave it behind 

Ohh Good to know there's so much to live for 

O-hhhhhh ohhh oh-ohhh what a day to feel alive 

O-hhhhhh ohhh oh-ohhh what a day to feel alive

Merry Christmas

"I'll remember to wish upon a star

And I hope that it brings me to where you are"

- Merry Christmas by Side A

one of my favorite cover songs that the band used to play is "Whenever I call you friend" mainly because of the harmony of their voices at the end. gave me goosebumps every time I heard it.

their new Christmas song makes me believe that even though they've changed a lot, they still are the SideA that we know and love. 

leevon and yubs split vocal duties on this song - so beautifully done, their voices interlace so closely together that it's hard to tell them apart. took me quite a few listens actually to figure out who's singing which lines... even more confusing, and really clever on their part, is that the two switch lines the second time through the lyrics. but my favorite parts really are when you hear all their voices together; vocal harmony at its best.

the bells at the beginning sound very Christmasy - close your eyes and you see a snowy night with Santa and his reindeers on your rooftop. except it's not really a happy kind of song. but not exactly sad either. it's somewhere in between - longing for that person you still love, yet still hopeful you'll be back in each other's arms. 

despite the sad tones though, you really can't help but smile when you're listening to the song. you know when people say, "music to my ears"? it's quite literally that. music. the kind you listen to over and over and never get tired of. the kind that just makes your heart sing. the kind that makes your soul glow. music. beautiful beautiful music.

so how do they still do it? how do they still captivate our hearts with every new song? brilliant minds, a whole lot of talent, and a great love for music. 

#tawapamore

Me: Ano uli name ng wife mo Kuya?

Ned: Her name is Rhia :)

Me: Rhia...asawa ni?

Ned: Ned! Hehehe. Asawa ni rhio! 

hahahahhaha! goodvibes lang. will post the "interview" soon. had so much fun doing it...thank you again, Kuya Ned!

i adore forevermore and for the rest of my life, but every now and then, i'm in the mood for some tila. there's just something about a tagalog love song. it's extra romantic...gives you that extra kilig. tagos sa puso. ;)

right now, i'm in love with this song.

********

Ngiti

Minamasdan kita
Nang hindi mo alam
Pinapangarap kong ikaw ay akin
Mapupulang labi
At matinkad mong ngiti
Umaabot hanggang sa langit

Huwag ka lang titingin sa akin
At baka matunaw ang puso kong sabik

Sa iyong ngiti ako'y nahuhumaling
At sa tuwing ikaw ay gagalaw
Ang mundo ko'y tumitigil
Para lang sayo
Ang awit ng aking puso
Sana'y mapansin mo rin
Ang lihim kong pagtingin

Minamahal kita ng di mo alam
Huwag ka sanang magagalit
Tinamaan yata talaga ang aking puso
Na dati akala ko'y manhid

Hindi pa rin makalapit
Inuunahan ng kaba sa aking dibdib

Sa iyong ngiti ako'y nahuhumaling
At sa tuwing ikaw ay lalapit
Ang mundo ko'y tumitigil
Ang pangalan mo sinisigaw ng puso
Sana'y madama mo rin
Ang lihim kong pagtingin

Sa iyong ngiti ako'y nahuhumaling
(Sa iyong ngiti)
Sa tuwing ikaw ay gagalaw
Ang mundo ko'y tumitigil
Para lang sa'yo...
(Para lang sa'yo ang awit ng aking puso)
Sana ay mapansin mo rin...
Ang lihim kong pagtingin
Sa iyong ngiti...

(sang by Ronnie Liang)

believe

"make a wish and place it in your heart. anything you want. everything you want. 
do you have it? good. now believe it can come true. you never know where the next miracle is gonna come from... the next smile... the next wish come true.
but if you believe that it's right around the corner... and you open your heart and mind to the possibility of it.. to the certainty of it.. you just might get the thing you're wishing for.
the world is full of magic. you just have to believe in it.
so make your wish. do you have it? good. now believe in it. with all your heart."
-- one tree hill. episode 5x13: echoes, silence, patience & grace.

baul

I was going through old entries/posts in my old blog and found this. How far I've come since then. Now there's a new new guy, and maybe I'll write a post like this 7 years from now. :)

**since i just discovered there's an app for this, I'm trying out a "running commentary" post. so...as I'd like to say, here goes nothing...

woke  up like... yey Friday! wait, no...ugh Tuesday pa lang?!

On the bright side... it's Zoo day! Yey!

argh forgot to charge my phone!

no matter how hard I try to listen to it or how many times i hit repeat, all I ever hear is "this time will soon be far"... bakit sabi sa lyrics "this time will soon be forgotten"?? di nga naman nag-mi-make sense na far yun time. 

why? why? why aren't you working? how the heck do you change css on the tile content? grrrrrr stupid ui5, mag-abap ka na lang nga.

oops almost time to go to the zoo, gotta get some lunch first. mmm beef pot pie looks good. bleh nope, it's not. 

carpooling with people you don't normally talk to everyday... umm awkward. 

ooooh sea lions!

where are you, mr polar bear? come out come out wherever you are. 

overheard: those penguins look ugly. hahaha!

where are the ice cream stands?

that monkey (or is that an ape?) be like... yeah, this is the life. 

lions napping. leopards napping. tiger in the water? i thought cats are afraid of the water.

a giraffe is born on average 6 ft and 125 lbs...wow sexy!

that elephant looks like he's eating poop..eww

papa bear, mama bear, baby bear.

ice cream! yes!

alright that's it...back to work. can i take my nap now? yes?! yey we can go home after!

oh boy...i think my tummy didn't like that ice cream. almost there almost there...

home! ahhhhhh

10,968 steps. alright my little fitbit, you can rest now. see you tomorrow.

**my day really is normally not this eventful. usually, it is an endless fight, a love-hate relationship with my laptop. today though we had a fun team-building event; hence, the zoo.