that kind of day

when all around me all my friends have happy lovelives, i find myself wrapped up in my own little world of alden&maine kiligness... and then i realize i don't mind as much anymore.

"maybe now i'm ready to be found." - this line keeps hitting me hard every time i hear it.

sometimes i feel it's too late for me now, that maybe i've given enough love and have taken enough of it for one lifetime. that maybe what i've had was all i ever deserved. and i think i have accepted this for the most part.

yet at other times, i give in to wishful thinking and hope that maybe, just maybe there's still someone else out there. the one. the one i'm meant to love and who will love me back...unsparingly...equally...for the rest of our lives. someone who will look at me like he can't believe i'm right in front of him, unblinking, unwilling to miss a single moment. those times, i dare to think that maybe i deserve more. and those times i can't afford to let happen too often.

and then there are times i just go through the motions. unfeeling. uncaring. when i look back on those times, i want to slap myself for being an ungrateful little brat.

i love my life. i really do. i have received more blessings than i ever hoped for and am more fortunate than a lot of people out there. so i'm not complaining. really. i'm just feeling sentimental at the moment. i blame it on the flurries i see outside my window. ;p

i've travelled many roads, figuratively and literally, but i am so far from done. our lives are meant to be lived. and yes, there is still so much...so much more to live for.