got my ipad back!

woohooo!!!!!!

a colleague found it on the floor inside the auditorium i was in last friday. how it got there, i am not sure. it must have slipped out of my backpack...sneaky little bastard. 😂😜

i guess there's a reason for everything...

a reason why target didn't have the ipad i wanted in stock last weekend - it would have been a pain to return the new one after I've taken it out of the box.

a reason why i didn't have my ipad for a whole weekend - it forced me to use my laptop and blog again. 😂

anyhoo i am soooo happy!!!

reading posts from my old blog again, and i came across this one... written Sep 5th, 2007.

when you've met the most perfect person for you, it's difficult to force your mind and heart to look elsewhere. you meet someone every once in a while... they seem ok, but somehow you always find flaws in them.

like in a picture, he's in full color and everyone else is black and white... and blurry. it doesn't matter if anybody agrees with you or not... to you, he is perfect. and everyone else just doesn't come up to par.

and you wonder if you'll ever meet 'the one' ever... or if he was IT, and you were just a lifetime too late.

yeah. same thoughts. still.

momd... reminiscing

because i was feeling down, i thought i'd make myself even more miserable than i already was. so i re-read old posts from my momd blog. some of them make me cringe...hahaha, but i can still actually remember how i felt when i wrote them. 😆

anyway, this was one of my posts (actually the last), written on May 5, 2007...

You would think that if you were warned so far ahead of time that when it finally comes, you’d be ready for it. 
That if you practiced a lot, all the right words would come out perfectly when you actually need them.
That if you thought about it too often, you’d finally grow tired and be eventually numb to the pain.
That if you convinced yourself enough, your heart would finally give in and make you feel happy as you told it to.
That if you did it so many times before, it would not be as hard the next time.

But I guess time only heals wounds of the past, not prevent those that are still to come. 
And practice prepares your mind but sometimes not your feelings.
And too much effort does make you feel tired but still vulnerable. 
And your heart just doesn’t always listen to your brain.
And saying goodbye is never ever easy.


some grammar lapses there but meh, it's the thought that counts. 😜
and then this was my note for this post:

that was it. i had so many things to say but when i was finally in front of him, my mind went blank. and all i wanted to do was stare at him, drink the sight of him in... enough to last me a lifetime. as he leaned over and gave me a hug, i silently begged for him not to let go. i wanted to hold on forever.

i got home. i sat down. i stared at nothing for hours. my thoughts incoherent. all i could think of was... that was it. i probably will not see him again. and finally the tears came. 

i will miss him. so much.


actually made me tear up a little bit just now.
almost 11 years later, and i haven't seen him since. the facebook comments i get once a year from him mean he still does remember who i am, don't they? *sigh* a girl can only hope.

i lost my ipad

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭


before i realized that i lost my ipad, i had this blog idea in mind... the adventures of fat chae-chae. i have recounted to friends, a couple of times now, my (mis)adventures at the ymca -- my desperate attempts to lose the perpetually growing body fat in me. they were funny.

and then this happened, and all sense of mirth left me... and i can't think of anything else but my ipad. is it possible to have separation anxiety with an inanimate object?! i hadn't realized how attached i was to that thing. waaahhh!

and stupid target for giving me false hopes...saying online they had some in stock, and then telling me they had none after all once i was there. add salt to my injury, why don't you?!

so now i'm on my laptop, which i've used rarely. maybe it's the universe telling me to use it more often. maybe this is a blessing in disguise. maybe... i don't know, i haven't decided yet. it sure doesn't feel like it.

anyway, maybe i will start on that blog idea later... maybe. in the meantime, i will go back to sulking in the corner, wallowing in self pity, and drowning in my own tears.


😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

time flies

10 years ago today, i came to america to start a new life...alone, uncertain yet strangely optimistic (if that makes sense), and totally jet lagged. so basically, the same way i’m feeling now. hahaha

really, though, i do feel like i’m jet lagged even though i went nowhere. working nights this week due to uat with ind & phl, and i’m finding it really hard to sleep during the day. so sooo tired yet unable to sleep - one of the worst feelings in the world.

so just a short quick blog. brain not really functioning 100%. just wanted to commemorate (naks big word) my 10th anniversary in the us of a. sometimes i do wonder if i made the right decision, but for the most part, i believe i would do it all over again.

ps - i still owe (myself, you) a decent blog for oathbriger. i’ve been on an emotional roller coaster the past few days...first oathbringer then ‘this is us’! yes, yes, i know, the world of fiction has become my life. 🤪