momd... reminiscing

because i was feeling down, i thought i'd make myself even more miserable than i already was. so i re-read old posts from my momd blog. some of them make me cringe...hahaha, but i can still actually remember how i felt when i wrote them. 😆

anyway, this was one of my posts (actually the last), written on May 5, 2007...

You would think that if you were warned so far ahead of time that when it finally comes, you’d be ready for it. 
That if you practiced a lot, all the right words would come out perfectly when you actually need them.
That if you thought about it too often, you’d finally grow tired and be eventually numb to the pain.
That if you convinced yourself enough, your heart would finally give in and make you feel happy as you told it to.
That if you did it so many times before, it would not be as hard the next time.

But I guess time only heals wounds of the past, not prevent those that are still to come. 
And practice prepares your mind but sometimes not your feelings.
And too much effort does make you feel tired but still vulnerable. 
And your heart just doesn’t always listen to your brain.
And saying goodbye is never ever easy.


some grammar lapses there but meh, it's the thought that counts. 😜
and then this was my note for this post:

that was it. i had so many things to say but when i was finally in front of him, my mind went blank. and all i wanted to do was stare at him, drink the sight of him in... enough to last me a lifetime. as he leaned over and gave me a hug, i silently begged for him not to let go. i wanted to hold on forever.

i got home. i sat down. i stared at nothing for hours. my thoughts incoherent. all i could think of was... that was it. i probably will not see him again. and finally the tears came. 

i will miss him. so much.


actually made me tear up a little bit just now.
almost 11 years later, and i haven't seen him since. the facebook comments i get once a year from him mean he still does remember who i am, don't they? *sigh* a girl can only hope.